Muppets from Space - Wikiquote (2024)

Muppets from Space was the sixth feature film to star The Muppets and was the first since the death of Muppets creator Jim Henson to have an original Muppet-focused plot. It was directed by Tim Hill and produced by Jim Henson Pictures for Columbia Pictures. The film was originally released in theaters on July 14, 1999.

[first lines]

Gonzo: Hey, wait for me! Hold the boat! I'm coming! Noah! Mr. The Ark! I'm here. Barely made it. For a minute, there. I thought you were leaving without... [Noah stops him] Gee, Mr. Noah, sir, I'm gonna come too.

Noah: What are you, anyway?

Gonzo: Oh, uh... Good question. Now technically speaking, uh, let's say, put me down as a whatever.

Noah: What do you mean? What is your species?

Gonzo: Uh, well, I, I, I... I don't know. I guess there's only one of me.

Noah: [Steps back, then points at gonzo] THEN YOU ARE DOOMED! [he walks inside, closing the door on Gonzo]

Gonzo: Wait. Wait! Oh. Huh?

Noah: [opens the door] Um...

Gonzo: Yes, sir?

Noah: You may need this. [grabs an umbrella to Gonzo, then closing the door on him again]

Gonzo: But, but, but, but... [opens the umbrella, causing to rain] Oh! [screaming in fear] NOOO!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!!! No! No! No! I don't wannna be alone! NO!! [dissolve to reality]

Gonzo: [muttering] No, no, no, no, no, I don’t want to be alone. No, no. [snaps out of his dream, screams] NOOO!!!! [accidentally knocks his best friend Rizzo the Rat out of the hammock, screaming out the window] I DON'T WANNA BE ALONE!!!!!!

Rizzo: [offscreen] You're not alone.

Gonzo: [notices Rizzo] Wh-who said that?

Rizzo: [offscreen] Gee, I don't know. Maybe it's the rat who's HANGING OUT OF THE WINDOW!!!!!!!!!

[Miss Piggy runs past Statler and Waldorf]

Statler: Is breakfast over?

Waldorf: No, why?

Statler: Because I think the bacon just ran out.

Waldorf: Oh. [he and Statler laugh]

Pepe: [comes to the table] The raspberry flap overs will be out in a moment.

Robin: Hey, Uncle Kermit, what will you do now that you're on vacation?

Kermit: Well, Robin, once I get those house painters started, l'm gonna kick back and relax.

Pepe: Kermit? When will you fix the oven, okay?

Kermit: [confused] What's wrong with the oven? [An explosion is heard in the kitchen. Everyone on the table react to that sound.]

Pepe: That.

Swedish Chef: Yurski burski popovers kaboofed!

Kermit: Yeah... I'll put it on the top of my list...

Pepe: There is a menu correction, okay? We will now be serving bologna sandwiches. [everyone makes disappointed sounds]

Swedish Chef: No bon-bon!

Pepe: But no bread.

[the Muppets all make disgusted noises and leave the table]

Clifford: I'm already gone.

[Kermit sees Gonzo coming downstairs looking dejected]

Kermit: Hey, Gonzo, aren't you performing at that Bar Mitzvah today?

Gonzo: Nah. Electric Mayhem's covering for me.

Dr. Teeth: [as he and his band walk past] Shalloon.

Animal: [as he pushes a cannon] Oy!

Kermit: [concerned] But, Gonzo, you never miss the chance to get shot out of a cannon. Something wrong?

Gonzo: No. [beat] It's just that I'm sick and tired of being a one-of-a-kind freak, that's all.

Kermit: Gonzo, you are 'not a one-of-a-kind freak! You're a... [falters]

Gonzo: [annoyed] A whatever?

Kermit: Well... yeah!

Gonzo: You see?! See what I mean? I don't even know where I came from, or who I am!

Clifford: Yo, Kerm.

Kermit: Hmm?

Clifford: You weren't expecting some house painters, were you?

Kermit: Yeah, why?

Clifford: They're just driving away.

Kermit: What?!

Clifford: Animal bit one of them!

Kermit: Oh no! [The car engine of the house painters truck starts] Wait, guys! Don't let them go! [turns to Gonzo] You know what I think you are, Gonzo?

Gonzo: What?

Kermit: Distinct. [turns to run to the door to try and stop the painters] Wait, guys! He didn't mean it! He's just a musician!

Animal: Musician! Musician! Musician! [Gonzo looks over at photos of the Muppets with their respective family members, before coming to photo of himself, alone]

Gonzo: [depressed] Distinct, huh? More like extinct... [pours the alphabet cereal in the bowl, but spills a little bit on the table] Oops. [looks at the letters spinning around, then making the words, saying, "WATCH THE SKY"] "Watch the sky"? Hey! Hey! Rizzo, come here. I think my Kap'n Alphabet is sending me a message.

Rizzo: [While holding a plate with bologna] I know what you mean. I had some guacamole and it's still taking to me.

Gonzo: No. No. Really. Look. Look. I'm not kidding. [looking at the letter cereals] It was there just a second ago. I swear, Rizzo. It said, "Watch the sky."

Rizzo: Are you sure it didn't say "You need help?"

Gonzo: But, but...

Rizzo: Maybe you and your cereal would like to be alone. [takes the plate of ] Oh, hey! ♪ My bologna has a first name, it's O-S-C-A-R...♪

Gonzo: [he pours the cereal the bowl with letters, then grabbing a telescope] Cool. Huh? [he looks at the letters, then making the words, saying, "R U There"] "R U there?" RIZZO!

[Rizzo, Pepe, Kermit, and Clifford are playing a card game.]

Pepe: Come on, Rizzo. Time to bet, okay.

Rizzo: All right, prawn cracker. I'll see your Maryland crab cakes and I'll raise you a 1958 cheddar cheese never been sniffed.

Kermit: Crab cakes and cheese?

Clifford: Can't beat that.

Gonzo: [enters after being struck by lightning; excited] Hey, guys! The cosmic fish have spoken to me. I'M FROM OUTER SPACE!

Rizzo: [not listening] Yeah, yeah, that's great. Pepe, are you in or out?

Pepe: Si, I'm in.

Gonzo: I'm an alien!

Rizzo: What, have you been tap-dancing on the barbecue again?

Gonzo: No, no, Rizzo. I'm just fine.

[Gonzo pats Rizzo's back, inadvertently electrocuting him, causing his hand of cards to burst into flames.]

Rizzo: [screaming] AAAAAUUUGGHHH! MY CARDS! SOMEBODY GET A FIRE EXTINGUISHER! Not my cards! Oh, no, no, no.

Kermit: Gonzo, are you sure you're okay?

Gonzo: Yeah, yeah! Absolutely. But I have to respond. Gotta make contact.

Clifford: Where's he going with these keys?

Pepe: [beat] Who cares? Flying saucer, maybe. Dos deuces. De prawn cracker wins! [laughs triumphantly]

Rizzo: Pair of twos! I swear I had four aces. I really did!

Pepe: ♪You got to know when to hold it...♪

Rizzo: No, no, no! [weeps in despair]

Pepe: ♪Know when to fold it, Know when to walk...♪

Pepe: No, no. You said you going to tell him, okay?

Rizzo: Pepe, will you listen to me, the Jacuzzi thing was your idea, and you have to tell him!

Pepe: [beat] Si, I will tell him, okay?

Rizzo: Right.

Gonzo: They're calling me!

Rizzo: Here he comes. Hey, Gonzo!

Gonzo: I can't talk now, guys.

Pepe: You should've told him.

Rizzo: I wasn't supposed to! You were!

Pepe: No, you said you'd tell him.

Rizzo: I said, you! I meant you.

[Gonzo appears on TV]

Clifford: You better get down there, Kerm.

Kermit: Relax, no one is going anywhere, okay?

Gonzo: [on TV] You see, I was contacted through my breakfast cereal, and it was confirmed by the Cosmic Fish that I am from outer space.

Rizzo: [to Kermit] So, you wanna go now, or wait for the commercial?

Kermit: ...Now. [gets off the couch]

Kermit: Listen, aren't you taking this alien thing a little too far?

Gonzo: Kermit, I realize that it may be hard for you to accept me as an alien... But I didn't choose to be one. And, well, I've always had alien tendencies - this just makes sense to me!

[Later, on the set of UFO Mania Live]

Agent Barker: [tied up] ...That's all I know!

Miss Piggy: Okay, okay, so, let me get this straight now: This government agency, C.O.V.N.E.T., has abducted Gonzo, and taken him to its top-secret facility?

Agent Barker: Yes, Miss Piggy.

Miss Piggy: Well, thank you, darling. You've been most helpful. [excited] At last! [knocks over Barker] A real story! Intrigue, danger, new outfits, and it's mine, mine, mine! All mine! [laughing as she runs off, then comes back, looking directly into the camera] Oh, come on, please, you think Ted Koppel never gets excited?

Miss Piggy: Listen, everyone, listen. I've got great news! Gonzo has been kidnapped by the government, and it could be a life-threatening situation! [Everyone gasps in horror]

Kermit: How can that be "great news"?

Miss Piggy: Because... I've got the story! I've got the story! [gasps] I need to change! [runs up the stairs] Something that says, "Journalistic integrity"! Oh, I've gotta pee!

Kermit: Oh, brother!

Fozzie: What are we gonna do?

Kermit: Okay, guys, it's up to us: We have to save Gonzo from a whole army of government agents!

Fozzie: Well... I have a joke book.

Animal: Drumsticks! Drumsticks!

Pepe: I have some loose Jell-O, okay? [holds it up and wiggles it]

Kermit: ...Okay, well, that settles that. In circumstances like this, there's only one place to turn...

Bubba: Yo. [walks close to Rizzo; Rizzo whimpers] How you doing? I'm Bubba.

Rizzo: Hey. Rizzo. Nice to meet you.

Bubba: Nice to meet you. How'd you like to meet some of the boys here?

Rizzo: Uh… Sure.

Bubba: That up there, that's Fast Eddie, harmonica extraordinaire.

Fast Eddie: Hey.

Rizzo: How you doing, Ed?

Fast Eddie: Well, I ain't dead.

Bubba: Over here's Troy. [Troy was weightlifting]

Troy: [grunts]

Bubba: This back here, that's Shakes.

Shakes: [shaking] Hi. Hello. How you doing? Welcome. [to someone] Hi. Hello…

Bubba: They're doing a new caffeine substitute on him.

Birdman: Gladys?

Bubba: And that there is the Birdman.

Birdman: Where are you? Gladys? Here baby, sweetie.

Bubba: He don't bother nobody. He's been here forever. [Gladys, a pigeon, flies on the Birdman]

Birdman: Gladys! Come on, the guys are watching.

Bubba: He just likes to hang out with his birds. Know what I mean?

Rizzo: Huh.

Bubba: So, er, that about does it for all of us here at the Medical Research.

Rizzo: Medical Research?

Bubba: Yeah.

Rizzo: B-but that would mean that we're… lab rats! GONZO, GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!

Rizzo: This is ridiculous.

[Rizzo is in a rat maze in a laboratory with other rats]

Bubba: [to Rizzo] Hey, Riz. Watch out for those red coicles.

Rizzo: What red circles? I don't see any... [is all of a sudden electrocuted and is launched into the air]

Bubba: Nobody ever listens...

Rizzo: Red circles. Right. Now let me see. Cheese, rat poison. Cheese, rat poison. What do you guys think, I'm crazy? This is a no-brainer. This ain't so bad. A little breezy. Oh, boy. Auntie Em, Auntie Em, it's a twister! This is just like one of those carny rides. You just gotta hang on, and at the end I get some cotton candy. I'M GONNA HURL!!!! You're just trying to play mind games here. But I know the cheese is safe... ...because you think I'm going for the poison, right?

Pointless Evil Scientist Man: Hey, rodents. You know the cheese I promised you... ...after you ran that maze and took those tests? It was delicious. [cackles as he walks out of the room]

Rizzo: No cheese? NO CHEESE? All right, that does it - We're busting out of this joint, boys!

Bubba: No, Riz, no, even if we got over the wall, we couldn't turn the doorknob.

Rizzo: Who needs doorknobs? [lifts up his "Mice Girls" poster to reveal a hole, while the other rats gape in shock]

Kermit: We gotta get through that door.

Fozzie: Should we just ask permission from those nice men with the rifles?

Kermit: [exasperated] Fozzie, those are the bad guys!

Dr. Van Neuter: Let's see here... Have you ever experienced any achiness in your tentacles?

Gonzo: I don't have tentacles!

Dr. Van Neuter: Good, no achy tentacles, good... Head ever come off?

Gonzo: No, I don't think so.

Dr. Van Neuter: Good, good, good. Any gingivitis?

Gonzo: No.

Dr. Van Neuter: Great. What about problems with that beaky thing you've got there? Itching, swelling, flaking?

Gonzo: Well, some flaking a couple years ago-

Dr. Van Neuter: [throws away clipboard] Oh, who cares? It's showtime! Here we go.

Gonzo: Oh, brother.

Dr. Van Neuter: Excellent, excellent.

Gonzo: What's that thing?

Dr. Van Neuter: I don't know. Here we go. Here we go. Just stay like that.

Gonzo: Okay.

Pepe: This way.

Miss Piggy: Whose bright idea was this, anyway?

Fozzie: Which way, Kermit?

Pepe: Kermin! Kermin! This way.

Miss Piggy: I can't breathe!

Pepe: Come on, Kermin!

Dr. Van Neuter: Okay. Here we go.

Gonzo: Wait, wait.

Dr. Van Neuter: What is it?

Gonzo: Are you sure this is covered by my HMO?

Dr. Van Neuter: Good question. I'll check.

Rizzo: Gonzo.

Gonzo: Rizzo. You're alive. Where have you been?

Rizzo: You don't want to know. Sit tight while I chew through these straps.

Gonzo: Yeah, yeah.

Rizzo: Okay.

Dr. Van Neuter: Good news. You're covered with a $10 co-pay. Okay, hold still. And remember, if you experience any unpleasantness, please let me know. I'd hate to miss it.

Rizzo: Do you mind?

Dr. Van Neuter: Excuse me. Wait! Oh, good Lord! A rat! I hate rats!

Bubba: Then today ain't your lucky day, Doc.

Rat #1: Ready for an operation?

Rat #2: A little experiment.

Pepe: Forward, Piggy. Forward.

Kermit: Doctor.

Pepe: Doctor.

Kermit: Doctor.

Pepe: Doctor.

Kermit: Just a couple of doctors.

Pepe: Doctors in the hallway. That was close.

Kermit: To the right, Fozzie.

Pepe: Forward, Piggy. Too fast, too fast. The door. Stop!

Kermit: What in the world?

Singer: This is big, general. I think we should notify the president.

General Luft: I'll be the judge of that.

Singer: As always, sir.

Dr. Van Neuter: No, don't tickle me!

Pepe: What do we do?

Miss Piggy: Will you please get me out of here?

Dr. Van Neuter: No, no, no! I can't breathe!

Gonzo: Hey, guys. Quick, get me out of here!

Singer: Today, sir... ...we must think with a big mind. Behold. Irrefutable evidence of extraterrestrial life.

Dr. Van Neuter: Release me...

Singer: This looks worse than it is, general. Obviously, the...

Dr. Van Neuter: Get off of me, you vermin!

Singer: The alien is loose in the building. But not to worry, because...

General Luft: Don't bother. You're terminated.

Singer: When you say "terminated"...

General Luft: YOU NEED HELP, SINGER! FIND SOME!

Agent Rentro: Well, how'd that go for you, then? Okay?

Gonzo: So sorry I got you into this mess. Anyway, thanks for coming to save me.

Kermit: You can thank us once we're out of here. All right, everybody, quietly now.

Woman in Security Guard: Stop! Come back here!

Animal: Help! Mommy!

Woman in Security Guard: Please, please. Listen to me. You can't leave me. I need you.

Animal: I go now.

Woman in Security Guard: Fine. Go on, go. [tearfully] You're all alike. Animals. [sobs] Call me.

Kermit: Animal! Animal!

Gonzo: Come here!

Rizzo: Way to go, Romeo. Now let's get out of here.

Gonzo: Let's go, let's go.

Singer: I'm gonna kill somebody.

Agent Rentro: Now, now. Remember, calm blue ocean. You let it go. Baby steps, remember? Baby...

Singer: FIND THE ALIEN! NOW!

Agent Rentro: Yes, sir.

Kermit: Try that door. [Gonzo, Miss Piggy, Pepe and Rizzo are unable to open it]

Gonzo: It won't budge!

Kermit: Come on, guys. Forget that door. Come on! [they see guards]

Gonzo: This way! [they see more guards]

Kermit: Fozzie, quick! The "Door in a Jar".

Fozzie: Oh, it's right here.

Gonzo: Yeah, yeah.

Fozzie: Um… "Open jar away from face."

Kermit: [whimpers] Fozzie, will you please just open the jar? Hurry, Fozzie. Hurry, come on, Fozzie. Come on, throw it!

[The Muppets try to escape using the "Door in a Jar", but it only creates a door too small for them to get through]

Kermit: Gee, that's disappointing...

Miss Piggy: [sarcastic] Perfect. Somebody knock and see if Barbie's home.

Pepe: Works for me. Adios! [uses the door]

Rizzo: What?! [runs after him, but is unable to open the door] Oh, I cannot believe that little shrimp left us behind! [Pepe opens up the door the Muppets tried next to them]

Pepe: I am not a shrimp - I am a king prawn! Let's go, let's go! Come on!

Singer: [to himself] Where is he?

Agent Rentro: I didn't overhear anything...

Singer: [looks up] Did I ask you if you overheard anything?

Agent Rentro: [guilty] No, sir.

Singer: Because if you did overhear anything, l'm sure you would tell me.

Agent Rentro: Yes, sir.

Singer: Or do I have to remind you of Mr. Jumbo's Circus Town and Wild Animal Revue? [Rentro looks afraid] [angrily] Where's he going?! [Rentro stays silent] Oh, look; Sunday's half price at the petting zoo...!

Agent Rentro: Okay, okay! They're going to Cape Doom!

Singer: Good, good. Get me the Subatomic Neutro-Destabilizer. [Rentro looks at him blankly] The Subatomic Neutro... [gives up] Oh, the really big gun.

Agent Rentro: The really big gun! Yes, sir! The really big gun... [retrieves it from a secret compartment, and hands it to Singer] Really big gun.

Singer: [holds out hand] Clip.

Agent Rentro: [hands it to him] Clip!

[Singer loads the gun]

Singer: Let's head for my car.

Agent Rentro: [stops] Oh. Problem there, sir. [Singer stops] Remember those parking tickets you asked me to take care of for you? And I said that-

Singer: Oh, just say it.

Agent Rentro ...Car's impounded. [Singer glares at him] Oh, we can take my company car!

Singer: ...Fine.

Agent Rentro: Great! ♪Sixty-six bottles of beer on the wall, Sixty-six bottles of beer...♪

Singer: Excuse me. Excuse me! Can this thing go any faster?

Agent Rentro: I'm doing 30. You want to slow down there, buddy? A lot of traffic tonight, sir. Safety first.

[After Singer's gun fails to fire at Gonzo and his family]

Kermit: [relieved] That was a close one.

Agent Rentro: Not as close as you think, my friend. [holds up gun clip] [imitating gun:] "Please load weapon"!

[last lines]

Gonzo: What a great day! That was probably the best day of my whole life! [pause] But, there's one' thing I don't understand.

Kermit: What's that, Gonzo?

Gonzo: Why did they ask me to build a Jacuzzi?

[Pepe chuckles]

• Jeffrey Tambor as K. Edgar Singer
• F. Murray Abraham as Noah
• David Arquette as Dr. Tucker
• Rob Schneider as UFO Mania TV Producer
• Andie MacDowell as Shelley Snipes
• Josh Charles as Agent Baker
• Pat Hingle as General Luft
• Hollywood Hogan as Man in Black
• Ray Liotta as Gate Guard
• Kathy Griffin as Female Armed Guard

• Dave Goelz as Gonzo, Waldorf, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and The Birdman
• Steve Whitmire as Kermit the Frog, Rizzo the Rat, Beaker, Cosmic Fish 1 and Bean Bunny
• Bill Barretta as Pepe the King Prawn, Bobo the Bear as Agent Rentro, Johnny Fiama, Bubba the Rat, Cosmic Fish 2, The Swedish Chef and Rowlf the Dog
• Frank Oz as Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear, Animal and Sam the Eagle
• Jerry Nelson as Robin the Frog, Statler, Uber-Gonzo, Floyd Pepper and Lew Zealand
• Kevin Clash as Clifford and Carter
• Brian Henson as Dr. Phil Van Neuter, Sal Minella and The Talking Sandwich
• John Kennedy as Dr. Teeth
• Adam Hunt as Scooter
• John Henson as Sweetums
• Drew Massey as Fast Eddie
• Rickey Boyd as Troy
• Peter Linz as Shakes

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